


Can't Believe I Once Said 'See You Never'

by herbivorenthusiast



Series: Promise you, for you I will [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-07-11 19:23:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15978824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herbivorenthusiast/pseuds/herbivorenthusiast
Summary: Five years after Jihoon left Woojin in the altar, they meet again.





	1. Then we meet again (when we're least expecting it)

**Author's Note:**

> My very first attempt to write 2park to water the tag. unbeta-ed. Don't scold me:(

After all these years of friendship, knowing Bae Jinyoung from the day they accidentally bumped into each other in the cafeteria back in high school like a movie (in which Jihoon ever thought they would eventually fall in love), Jihoon never stops thinking that Bae Jinyoung really needs to learn how to get his life together.

“HYUNG! YOU CAN’T KILL THE GROOM IN HIS WEDDING DAY!” Kuanlin, the tallest in that room tries hard to save the wedding by making sure no one manages to kill the groom before he even reaches the altar. Kuanlin, the latest addition and make them becomes an inseparable trio instead of double-trouble, was, is, and will always be there to save them from the greater mess. This time is not an exception: when Jihoon could be arrested for attempted murder of the man who is about to get married and happen to be his best friend (or ex-best friend?)

“JIHOONIE HYUNG! UHUKUHUKIMSORRYIDONTREALLY—“ Jinyoung tries to wriggle and free himself from the upcoming death. The lack of air and the seriousness in Jihoon’s eyes scares him to death. Jinyoung tries his best, really, knowing fully well that today isn’t the kind of day to slowly choke to death while out there, there is this most beautiful man, who outshines the sun with his blinding smile and bright attitude names Lee Daehwi, waiting for him to marry him.

“HYUNG! STOP! JINYOUNGIE HYUNG IS DYING!” Kuanlin once again tries to stop Jihoon by yelling at his face, earning a snort from both of them because, duh, the both know Jinyoung is dying—almost, perhaps. Why is he stating the obvious?

Despite all Kuanlin attempts to stop Jihoon to be a murderer and Jinyoung’s attempt to survive from near-death experience, Jihoon’s fingers still in Jinyoung’s neck. The oldest still can’t stop himself for torturing the star of the day aka the groom. It takes a moment to make the fingers in Jinyoung’s neck slowly loosen up but Jihoon makes sure his gaze is intimidating enough.

They wait in tense silence and secretly pray that the hot-tempered Jihoon will calm down and stop threatening to take any life today or any day, obviously. Kuanlin purposely stands between those two and keeps checking on Jihoon’s movements and changes of expression to read his thought, which is almost impossible because Jihoon’s thought is owned by him and him only. No one knows and can decode his thought unless it’s the one and only Park Jihoon.

“Hyung, I swear to my relationship with Daehwi,” Jihoon raises one of his brow, knowing how serious it is if Bae Jinyoung wants to swear upon the thing he really cherishes the most (before their friendship). “I didn’t, don’t, and will never betray you. And Kuanlin.” Jinyoung finishes his testimonial and sighs. “Hyung, I know you weren’t expecting a betrayal especially when it’s a big day but I promise you, it’s not me trying to mess with you. I know how fucked up the situation is because believe me, my brain can’t even function when Daehwi introduced him to me.”

The room gets quiet after Jinyoung finishes his words. Kuanlin, albeit still scares with Jihoon, tries to pull Jihoon’s hand and makes sure he doesn’t try to harm the groom 2.0. Jihoon eventually lets him. He opens then closes his mouth (reminds them of certain fish they kept as a pet back when they were kids, clearly wanting to say something but taking back whatever it is last minute.

“Are we good? Jihoon hyung? Jinyoung hyung?” Kuanlin carefully voices his hope, hoping the way he words his question doesn’t sound insensitive or may trigger the oldest man in the room any further. Both him and Jinyoung eye Jihoon and wait for his response.

Jihoon’s face falls and he suddenly looks exhausted even though the one who works hard is Kuanlin. “If I told you I would sit out—“

“Hyung! It has to be you!”

“You can’t. I’m not qualified enough as Jinyoungie hyung’s bestman.” Kuanlin shakes his head and gives a pat in Jihoon’s arm. “You should be proud. If anything, no one is qualified enough as Jinyoungie hyung’s best man. You’re the second closest after Lee Daehwi.”

“And as far as I know, no one can be groom and best man at the same time.” Jinyoung flashes his toothy smile. “I believe Daehwi is preoccupied enough as a groom.”

Once again, Jihoon sighs. He thinks it’s too late if he wants to ask for a new friend because as much as he hates to admit it, he’s attached to Jinyoung and Kuanlin (not in _that_ way) and the admission for a new friend is already closed. Besides, he’s too tired to get to know someone’s new and repeat the whole adaptation and bonding-time with new person. Letting a new addition in his life is probably not a good idea.

 

In the end, Jihoon gives up being mad at Jinyoung but one think Jihoon pretty sure is Jinyoung indeed needs to get his act together.

 

*

Jihoon bites his lips for the umpteenth time already. Beside him, there is Jinyoung who keeps soothing the older by telling him ‘You’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” If people didn’t know who the groom is, they would think that the one who gets married is actually Jihoon instead of Jinyoung.

“I should be the one who comforts you,” Jihoon lets out a soft chuckle. “And look at us, I’m a really bad best man, aren’t I?”

“Hyung, we are each other’s best man.” Jinyoung nudges him with his shoulder then grins. “Just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean I have to abandon my eternal job as your one and only best man—don’t tell Kuanlin!”

Jinyoung’s words help him to calm his nerve but still not good enough to stop his fingertips become as cold as the tip of icebergs. On top of that, he also feels nausea. He barely eats these days, mostly because of the thought of standing near the alter brings back his memory five years ago and the rest because he’s afraid his mind may goes blank and he will mess up his own bestfriend’s wedding. All is well—or was, until he accidentally walked near Daehwi’s room an hour ago and found someone he never thought would be appeared near him anymore.

Park Woojin, the one he left in the altar exactly five years ago, is here as Daehwi’s best man.

 

*

Jinyoung and Daehwi’s wedding ceremony takes place in a small church where the hill and ocean looks so close each other. The place means something for both of them since that place is where they met for the first time years ago. Both were volunteering for social cause and got assigned as partner in one small project involving animal. Daehwi the animal enthusiast met Jinyoung who were afraid of them. People around them thought they would end up bickering and begging the team lead to change partner but much to everyone’s surprise, they got along well. They still kept in contact despite how far they live from each other and eventually became an item after years pining for each other.

(And getting married today.) 

The pews are decorated with Daehwi’s favorite flowers. Not only because Daehwi always a fan of floral scent but he insists that flowers always remind him of Jinyoung. They worked together surrounded by nature and there was a flower garden near their voluntary place which makes flowers become their thing that remind them of each other the most. The ground is filed with petals, albeit no one would actually walk in the aisle (since both are groom and Daehwi refuses to ‘bottom’).

Jihoon takes a deep breath when one of the person in charge tells them to come out and get ready near the altar. Jinyoung squeezed the older’s hand and nods encouragingly—once again confusing  both of them about their roles—before walking out of the room. The person-in-charge says Daehwi and his best man is already on standby and they will come out once Jinyoung and Woojin ready.

Jihoon finds himself difficult to breathe. If anyone notices, he’s shaking and that explains why he keeps squeezing his hand and blinks profusely. The door to the other side has been opened but two people they wait haven’t come out yet. Turns out the door behind them opened first and there little kids Jihoon aren’t familiar with appear with cute suit. They walk in and scatter the flowers petals shyly, sometimes stumble in process but manage to continue without fall down.

“I thought no one would use this aisle.” Jinyoung whispers. Jihoon elbows him and talks like he is an ventriloquist (“shut up, idiot!).

Jinyoung becomes very quiet—instantly—when the kids reach their place. Jihoon is busy taking a box of ring from the flower boys so he misses the look in Jinyoung’s face when he suddenly blinks his tears back after seeing who walks in after the flower boys. That happens so fast. Jihoon stands up and tidies up his suit, not expecting anything, until his eyes meet  with someone who walk Daehwi down the aisle.

Jihoon’s mind shut down (he swears he can hear that shut down sound from his old laptop before he converts into fruit user) and he doesn’t miss the surprise look in Woojin’s face. Cue the instrumental version of sappy music he oftens listen from Jinyoung’s phone and Daehwi’s sweet smile, the entrance makes some guests are stifling a sob, including the waiting groom near the altar.

As cliché as it might sound, Jihoon finds himself drowns in Woojin’s gaze. For some reasons, Jihoon can’t avert his gaze towards anywhere else but Woojin. As if Woojin has a power to lock his gaze and force him to hold his breath which also stop him for shaking like previously. Maybe it’s just a figment of his imagination but Jihoon sees the way Woojin’s gaze softened. Jihoon wants to slap himself. He desperately wants to run away _again_ from here and thinks about how to apologize to his best friend later because, _hell no,_ he feels so vulnerable and his legs are more than ready to give up any second.

There is no way Woojin gives him _that_ look. Not after his sudden escapade five years ago, leaving a man he really loved— _loves_ standing alone in the altar without any explanation. Jihoon cowardly ran away. Buying the fastest ad furthest ticket to run away and changing his numer so Woojin has no way to contact him. He threw everything away, including Woojin.

He was an asshole. And he still is.

Jihoon tries to come up with as many reasons as possible about how he imagines _stuff_ and how he needs to get his act together because 1) it’s Jinyoung’s wedding and 2) he needs to do his task properly before fleeing to another furthest place to avoid Woojin at all costs. He can’t daydream and think Woojin is currently giving him _that_ look; The look he can’t disguise. The look he always gave everytime they were together. The look that never failed to make Jihoon feels a lot of thing, but mostly,  _love._

But this time, Jihoon sees the other look mixed with his usual look:

Sadness.

 


	2. A Double-edged Hurt

When the sacred ceremony is finally over, Jihoon flashes a quick smile to both grooms and mutters a quick congratulation before dashing into the place he thinks won’t be crowded. Jihoon is thankful he managed to give the ring without dropping it or made it obvious that he’s in panic state in front of the whole guests (and of course, those two grooms). He didn’t really think much about how Jinyoung and Daehwi reacted or how to look acted casual around Woojin who never stopped boring the hole in Jihoon’s skull with his intense gaze.

(Jihoon knew. He _felt_ it.)

Everything passes quickly like a timelapse Jihoon used to make with Woojin—the moving crowd, the sun gradually sets, and there were a lot more they created together for the sake of Woojin. Woojin loved photography so much (or loves? Jihoon never catches up since he’s practically MIA after he ran away from altar five years ago) so Jihoon used to follow him around and be a model. According to Woojin, he’s his muse. In which Jihoon always responded with rolling eyes even though his redden cheeks often betrayed him.

Jihoon runs aimlessly and stops once he thinks he’s far enough from the crowd. The buzzing excitement from inside has gradually faded away which means he’s currently far enough. He looks around and finds a tire swing in the nearest tree. He approaches the tree while takes off his suit and put it on his shoulder. Carefully, he tries to hang on it and slowly moves it with his legs. Jihoon swifts around and closes his eyes. The night breeze reminds him of the night he left Woojin. He let out a bitter laugh and curses himself for suddenly recalling those painful memories. Younger Jihoon thought it’d be easier to leave than to be left but the truth is, he spent years away from Woojin like he’s living in hell. He constantly misses Woojin and wants to run the beg for his forgiveness. There’re times he’s almost contact Woojin and wants to chat but his pride, damn his pride, never allows him to do so.

_You can’t lick your spit, dumbass._ That’s how he manages to refrain himself from crawling back to Woojin.

Jihoon stops spinning and gets off from the swing. He picks up his suit and walks around to find a better place to sit down and wait until the party is over. He doubts Jinyoung remembers that his best man was running away and is nowhere to be found. His dumb friend must be too preoccupied with a lot of happy thought, intertwining his fingers with Daehwi and stealing kisses while greeting the guests. Not that Jihoon complaining. As cheesy as it might sound, the idea of Bae Jinyoung being happy and content makes him even happier.

A wooden bench catches his attention. _Finally_ , Jihoon thinks as he jogs along the footpath and seat on the bench. He lets out a satisfied sigh and fishes out a box of cigarette and lighter from his pocket.

“I didn’t know you smoke.”

Jihoon didn’t anticipate anyone would suddenly show up let alone Woojin. That’s why the sudden appearance of Woojin startles him and now he’s coughing like hell.

_What the fuck._

When Jihoon finally stops coughing, he pats his chest and glances at Woojin who is still standing awkwardly beside the wooden bench. Jihoon quickly averts his gaze when their gaze meets and it strucks Jihoon how much Woojin changes during these years. His face looks more mature and he looks skinnier compared to five years ago.

Jihoon doesn’t respond anything and purposely makes everything more difficult by acting like Woojin didn’t talk to him just now. Or even acknowledges his presence. Instead, he continues smoking and suddenly, the grass looks more interesting than a standing and attractive man beside him.

If Jihoon obviously stiffen when Woojin sits beside him, the latter doesn’t say anything.

They are engulfed in silence, yet it speaks volume. Jihoon tried his best to stare at anything but someone beside him while Woojin sits there, comfortably, as if that’s where he really belongs to. A few minutes passes and no one is brave enough to break the invisible barrier between them. The cigarette is almost finished so he stamps out his cigarette and lit another one.

“Why are you here?” Unable to keep his silence longer, Jihoon voices his thought but still staring at anything but Woojin. Even without looking at the younger, Jihoon can see how startled he is when Jihoon breaks the silence and a faint smile slips into his mouth. Woojin doesn’t really change. The newfound is like a shade between sadness and relief. It’s a relief to feel the sense of familiarity when he’s with Woojin yet it’s sad to realize he’s not supposed to be comfortable because of that sense of familiarity.

“It is why are _you_ here, Jihoon.” Woojin opens his mouth and makes a suitably cutting retort. Jihoon flinches, knowing fully well how hurt Woojin is when he uses the tone Jihoon recognizes a lot. Woojin was always the saint one. The one with unlimited patience and always forgiving towards Jihoon’s temper. If anything, Jihoon can say that during three years of their relationship, Woojin played the biggest role. If only Woojin lost his patience and couldn’t keep up with the older’s bullshit, there would never be them. Or a home for Jihoon. Or a proposal in the stormy day—Jihoon’s favorite weather—and a wedding far far away from both home.

….or the truth untold behind his confusing escapade.

 “Well, In case you forgot, I am Jinyoung’s best man.” Jihoon brings the cigarette closer to his mouth and blows the smoke to make it like random orbs. “I am a very very important person for Jinyoung.”

Jihoon acts nonchalant. As if talking to Woojin with cold tone won’t hurt him. Truthfully, he is exhausted. He wants to go home and pack again to run away again. Anywhere is fine as long as the memories of Woojin don’t linger. Like how the two toothbrushes in his old apartment reminded him of their morning routine in front of the bathroom mirror and how they started their morning by playing who can steal more kisses while shaving (which was very dangerous and not recommended at all since they’re hurt a few times because of that).

“I know you know what I meant, Jihoon.” Woojin sounds tired and that hurts Jihoon even more. “You’re gone for years without telling anyone, not even your family…”

Jihoon paused. Clearly surprised with what Woojin just said. If Woojin knows he doesn’t tell his family about his whereabout, then…

“Did you come to my house?” This time, Jihoon turns and sees Woojin. The younger is plucking out the grass near him and looking at his lap, such a heartbreaking sight for Jihoon.

If Woojin really came to his house, he must be really desperate. Woojin should remember how much hates he got back then when they came out in front of Jihoon’s family and Woojin got beaten by the older’s brother for being a bad influence to _holy_ Jihoon.

“I almost lost my limbs because of your brother.”

Jihoon doesn’t really know how to respond so he settles with a barely audible hum. Almost all his family members have ill-tempered. Listening to Woojin’s story isn’t really surprising for him.

Their gazes lingers momentarily before Jihoon looks away and back to his cigarette. It’s the third one and Jihoon is surprised. He’s never been a heavy smoker. It’s always two at most then he stops because Jihoon is pretty much health-conscious (surprise, surprise), but look at him now.

“Give me one.” Among all things Woojin can say to prolong their conversation, he chooses the one Jihoon least expected. He furrows his brows and gives the younger disapproving look.

“No.” Jihoon said firmly and puts away his box of cigarette. His nose scrunches when he secretly sniffs around and realizes how terrible his smell is. It looks like an old man near his flat who always spends his spare time at local bar, smoking and dwelling in thought about only god knows when.

“Why?”

“This small thing can lead you to self-destructive behavior and voila, you are dying.”

“And why do I have to listen to you?” There’s a faint hope laced in Woojin’s voice and Jihoon doesn’t fail to notice that maybe, just maybe, Woojin hasn’t gotten over him and he tries to woo him like this.”

“Because I still have consciousness left?” Jihoon shrugs and the third one is almost finished. “I won’t drag people to premature death with me.”

“Why do you even care if I die young?”

“Oh, believe me, Woojin,” the younger’s name in his tongue sounds foreign and so does the sentences that formed in his brain and about to roll in his tongue after that. “If anything, I would care less what you do. You want to smoke? Do it. But buy your own.”

It doesn’t take an expert to know how hurtful his words were and how taken aback Woojin just now. As if those aren’t enough, Jihoon turns to look right into Woojin’s eyes and ignoring the painful pang in his chest when he meets Woojin’s hurt expression.

“Bold of you to assume I even care.” Jihoon fakes a yawn and gets up from his seat. He picks up his suit and walks away from Woojin and maybe, from his life, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to revise the first chapter and make it slightly better first before writing the second chapter but look what I've done.


	3. A Sudden Realization

A month has passed since the wedding and Jihoon slowly forgets the whole fiasco by returning to his usual activities. He chooses to stay quiet and doesn’t tell anyone about his encounter with Woojin. Jinyoung, the one who witnessed everything back then was shut off by Jihoon. It’s been a month since the last time Jihoon actually talked to him.

It’s not like Jihoon is mad. He isn’t ready to face Jinyoung and Daehwi now. He can bet those two are going to give him headache by forcing to tell more story about what happened back then. Turn out someone saw them outside and words spreaded faster than fire. The two grooms were instanly informed about both bestmen and their quarrel.

Jihoon thinks he will never see Woojin again because his work and Woojin’s won’t make them meet. While Woojin’s work is dangerous and more like a field-type (at least for him), his work is totally harmless. The only harmful thing about his work is the amount of caffeine he consumes everytime he visits one cafe while trying to meet a deadly deadline.

But one thing Jihoon doesn’t really expect is his encounter with the other person who knows exactly about both of their story, aside of Daehwi and Jinyoung.

“Jihoon?”

Jihoon freezes in his spot. He was pushing the glass door in this new cafe in town while trying to clamp his laptop under his upper arm when someone called his name. Jihoon stares with a complete puzzled look, contrary to the way that person chuckles upon meeting Jihoon.

“Oh. Hi, Hyung.” Jihoon responds dryly. He decides it is too late to run away and pretends he never sees Donghyun a minute before. He enters the cafe and hesitantly comes to Donghyun who is standing behind the counter.

“Welcome! What can we do to help you?” Donghyun’s tone is too cheerful for Jihoon’s own liking. If Dongyun is trying to hide his amusement behind his sickening sweet tone, he doesn’t really hide it.

“I don’t know you are a part-timer, Hyung.” Jihoon can’t help but voicing his curiousity. The last time he met the older, he remembers Donghyun was about to get married with Woojin’s coworker named Youngmin. He also remembers how rich both Donghyun and Youngmin were so Youngmin always told them he didn’t want Donghyun to work.

“I am not.” He chuckles. “I’m actually the owner but my part-timer won’t come until 10 so usually it’s only me from eight until they come.”

They are even richer now.

Jihoon nods awkwardly and tries to avoid Donghyun’s excited gaze by looking at the board menu. Once, Jihoon wondered what would happen if he ever met donghyun or Youngmin, since both were the most supportive about his relationship with Woojin. He imagined the cold Youngmin would spit at him with hurtful words and Donghyun would cry and yell at him for hurting Woojin and disappointing everyone who sincerely support them.

Never in his whole life he imagines Donghyun like this; staring at him with his twinkling eyes and looking like he wants to tease Jihoon just like their old time.

“I want strawberry smoothie and if you don’t mind, can I add another request, Hyung?” Jihoon finally looks at Donghyun.

“What do you want, Hoonie?” Jihoon groans when he hears that nickname, making Donghyun’s laughter errupts.

“Can you stop staring at me? It makes me feel uncomfortable. That’s the request of your customer. Can’t you do that?”

“Maybe,” Donghyun shrugs. “If you let me accompany you until my workers come. I’m bored.”

 

*

And that’s how Jihoon find him in one table with Donghyun. The owner of that cafe casually sips his iced americano while eating his strawberry shortcake, the combination that makes Jihoon questioning the older’s tastebud.

The most bitter with the sweetest cake? Reminds him of Cold Youngmin and Warm Donghyun.

“So,” Jihoon stops typing when Donghyun suddenly talks. He lifts his head and sees the older, trying to make the normal expression even though his heartbeat betray it. “How are you?”

“I’m yay.” Jihoon lifts both his hands and try to make a happy expression despite the lack of excitement in his note, succesfully earns a big laugh from Donghyun. “How’s yours?” He adds, deciding it is the easiest thing he can do to prolong the conversation so he won’t appear that rude.

“Fantastic.” Donghyun replies with wide grin. “It’s always nice to have no flowers coming out from your lung.”

“I see.” Jihoon nods absentmindedly, remembering back then when he kept accompanying Woojin to visit Donghyun while he was recovering from his hanahaki disease. He remembered how heartbreaking it was when Woojin told him about the pain Donghyun needed to go through before meeting Youngmin and how the story made Jihoon became the avid believer of love conquers all.

(Sadly, not anymore.)

“I heard from Daehwi you guys met.”

If there is anything about Donghyun he never likes is how straightforward he is after meeting Youngmin.

“Uhm, yeah. Jinyoung is my best friend.” Jihoon scratches his head. “We happen to meet. Ha ha.”

What the fuck, Jihoon. Ha ha. Good choice of respond, dumbass.

Jihoon ignores the change of expression in Donghyun’s face and pretends to continue typing (while the screen in front of him shows him ‘aydkenkskxkdowhxekiddksk hhsjejeos sudoehiedkeifh udiskdudldmd’). Sooner of later, he must face the wrath of Donghyun. Or any person who knows what kind of man Park Jihoon is. Leaving someone who loves (or should he says... loved?) him dearly in the altar and erases his own existence by running far away from home.

“Jihoon, I know it sounds annoying because I’m not Woojin,” Jihoon flinches when he hears that one name but tries to maintain his expression. “But I personally think you owe him an explanation. Running away—I mean, leaving abruptly on your wedding day without explanation isn’t a nice way to break off the engagement. If you don’t like my cousin, you can always call it off BEFORE the wedding. Not leaving him confused and heartbroken until he’s hospitalized for weeks.”

“Woojin was hospitalized?” Jihoon can’t help but frowning upon hearing that. This is his first time knowing It.

He suddenly feels awful.

“Can’t eat, can’t sleep, self-blaming, what do you expect?” Donghyun laughs but this time, there is no humor in it. “You are his everything. Did you expect him to accept it coolly and continues his life beautifully?”

Jihoon is dead quiet.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Park Jihoon?”

Jihoon feels like throwing up when he sees how mad Donghyun actually is. Donghyun was always a loving figure for them. Despite his endless bicker with Woojin (that earn both of them Tom n Jerry as nickname), Jihoon knows really well how much Woojin loves Donghyun.

All words are caught in his throat. As much as he wants to say it, vomitting each and every words he wishes he could say to Woojin and anyone who demands his explanation, he just—

“Were you just playing with his heart?”

And that is the last string. Jihoon thinks he wants to shut down his laptop, gather his belongin and walk away from there but instead, he chokes on his own tears and that startles Donghyun.

“Playing with Woojin’s heart? That’s the last thing I want to do.” Jihoon wipes his tears with the back of his hand and laughs bitterly. “God, Hyung, you have no idea how much I love Woojin.”

And those words definitely catches Donghyun off guard. He ignores the greeting from one of his workers who just arrived and if Jihoon realizes he can be freed from Donghyun, he doesn’t mention that.

“Hyung, I love him but I’m just—“ he takes a deep breath to refrain himself from sobbing uncontrollably. It’s been years since he last time cried. Holding in everything and trying to look okay albeit the big hole in his heart.

Donghyun moves from his seat and drag the seat from table beside theirs so he can sit beside Jihoon. He quietly embraces Jihoon and lets the younger sobs in his warm embrace. Donghyun feels sorry for losing his temper and eventually hurting the younger’s feelings, without knowing much about the whole fiasco years ago.

“I leave because I love Woojin so much, Hyung.” Jihoon tries to calm himself once he tries to free himself from Donghyun’s embrace. “Uhm, haha, maybe it sounds very unconvincing.”

Donghyun shakes his head.

“The only one who knows the real reason is you.” Donghyun responds wisely.

Jihoon opens his mouth, trying to come up with any respond from Donghyun’s last response because he needs to tell the older—assuring him, that his reason is true. He doesn’t make an excuse. He doesn’t try to sugarcoat his words and make him less jerk.

But when he looks at Donghyun, he knows Donghyun knows.

“I—“ Jihoon bites his lips. He averts his gaze to anything but Donghyun. The sudden realization comes and hits him like a thousand bricks.

“Jihoon.”

“I was afraid, hyung.” Jihoon sounds very helpless. “I still am.”

“And how big is your fear until losing him is better than facing your fear?”

And the last question succesfully makes Jihoon loses his composure. He closes his laptop, gathers all his belonging hurriedly and leaves without looking back.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating very late. I promised to update weeks ago but something happened so i was bedridden for a month:(


	4. More than Love

After his inevitable encounter with Donghyun days ago, Jihoon finds himself in a very terrible mood swing. Sleeping won’t come as easy as ever. If it was difficult enough to sleep before 2 am, It develops into sleepless night. Jihoon can’t sleep if the morning hasn’t come for days now—which messes up his usual routine and earns him a lot of troubles. 

 

“Are you that tired? Why do you always wake up late lately?”

 

Donghan, his editor finally asks him days after Jihoon keeps being tardy. It’s unusual for him, since he knows how Jihoon always values time as much as he values money.

 

“Tired?” Jihoon laughs bitterly. “I wonder if there is a word to describe my condition right now.”

 

Even exhausted is an understatement.

 

He doesn’t know if it’s because the lack of sleep or he has no one to pour his frustration out, he ends up telling Donghan about his meeting with Woojin and also Donghyun. Donghan doesn’t respond much. He listens attentively to whatever Jihoon says and only sighs once in a while when he hears something frustrating.

 

So far, he manages to refrain himself from punching Jihoon. His friend can be very stupid despite his amazing intelligence.

 

“I think Woojin curses me.” Jihoon slumps in his seat with gloomy expression. “Nothing goes right after that day. Is it possible to be cursed by god of sea? They say the curse won’t work accross the sea. We are separated by the ocean now.”

 

Donghan takes the bundle of paper on the table to hit Jihoon. “Get your shit together, Park Jihoon.” And Jihoon yelps but doesn’t protest because he knows he kinda deserves that.

 

“It’s just my assumption!” He strokes his head and sulks. “Woojin has rights to hate me. I mean, we lost a lot of money because of me.”

 

“Oh my god, you are really stupid.” Donghan facepalms. “Do you really think Woojin hates you because of money?”

 

Jihoon stares at Donghan then sighs.

 

“No.”

 

He sips his coffee and pauses to think what to say. He takes the small spoon near the cup and stirs the coffee for no reasons. He just finds it awkward because Donghan is staring frustratingly at him and he knows why.

 

“Woojin won’t be mad because of money. I know, Donghan.” He scratches his head, stealing glance at Donghan like a kid who is afraid to be scolded by his mother.

 

“And?”

 

“Do you think he’s mad because I didn’t tell him the reason then proceed to act like nothing happened back then?”

 

“I don’t know Jihoon. Your CGPA is higher than me.” Donghan snorts. “You are supposed to be the smart one, not me.”

 

*

 

Desperate times call for desperate measure.

 

When talking to Donghan still won’t help with heavy feeling in his chest and trouble with his sleep, he chooses to be more daring and not thinking much for things he’s gonna do:

 

Looking for Donghyun once again.

 

That’s how Jihoon drives early in the morning to Donghyun’s cafe—which is far from his small apartment—even though he hasn’t slept for a wink.

 

When Jihoon arrives, he doesn’t get off the car and stares at the cafe from his seat. The cafe is empty but it’s already opened since fifteen minutes ago. He doesn’t see Donghyun or anyone behind the counter, assuming the older might be in the kitchen or something to bake the pastry.

 

Jihoon is about to get off when another car parks beside his car. He isn’t usually curious about the other but he finds himself staring at the black car and waiting for whoever comes out of that old car.

 

“The hell—”

 

Jihoon almost hit his head to the window when he sees sleepy Woojin comes out, followed by the stoic Youngmin. Woojin looks tired as he keeps yawning and ruffles his hair until it looks messy.

 

Jihoon draws in a quick breath and tries to calm down. His hands tremble and a wave of panic rushes in. His plan doesn’t include accidental meeting with the source of his biggest problem aka Woojin. All Jihoon wants to do is meeting Donghyun, hoping to get any enlightment so he can sleep safe and sound again.

 

Woojin isn’t the part of his biggest rescuing-Jihoon-plan.

 

He waits.

 

Minutes turn into hour and there is no sign of Woojin going to come out and go home. Jihoon is getting impatient. He taps his fingers in the steering wheel and tries to crane his neck for a better view.

 

—until someone knocks his window.

 

Jihoon mentally scolds himself for forgetting to message Jinyoung and Kuanlin about his testament because, heck yeah, it’s only nine in the morning yet he’s almost died twice. Until he remembers those two barely know how to register for academic related purpose back then and that’s pretty easy.

 

(He should’ve found a better and useful friend.)

 

That person knocks his window once again so Jihoon has no choices but rolling down his window.

 

“Excuse me, this parking space is for customer on—what the fuck.”

 

“Good morning. I’m sorry. I’m leaving now.” Jihoon replies in one breath and ready to roll up the window, turn the key, and leave. Until Woojin stops him by putting his fingers on the window and tries to get Jihoon out of his car.

 

By force.

 

“You’re not going anywhere!” Woojin yells at Jihoon who panickedly start the engine while tries to move Woojin’s firm fingers in his window. His attempts are backfired when Woojin uses his free hand to grab Jihoon’s hand which touches his fingers.

 

“Let me go!”

 

“Not for the third time, Hoonie. God damn it.” Woojin groans in frustration. “Just come out before I pull you out from the window. You do know what I’m capable of.”

 

So, Jihoon complies. Only because he’s afraid of losing his hand.

 

*

 

“Hyung! Let me use the storage room for a while.” Woojin tells Donghyun who is chatting with Youngmin in one table. If Youngmin chokes on his own coffee, Donghyun stays calm and throws knowing smile while mouths ‘good luck’ to Jihoon.

 

Jihoon groans in disbelief.

 

Woojin forces the older to enters the small room behind the stair then turns on the lamp. Even under the dim light, he can see how tense Jihoon is.

 

“I have a lot of things I want to ask but the easiest one is why are you here.”

 

Jihoon frees himself from Woojin’s grip and keeps his distance with the younger. When he gets a better look at Woojin, he realizes the younger’s hair is no longer dark. It’s blond and for some reasons, it makes him look scarier, at least for Jihoon.

 

“I have a business with Donghyun.” Jihoon tries to sound nonchalant. He examines anything in the room to find a better thing to look in order to avoid Woojin’s strong gaze.

 

He is too afraid to face him directly.

 

“Jihoon.”

 

“What?”

 

Jihoon is rubbing his arm and massage it gently when Woojin suddenly calls his name with gentle tone. He looks up, and regrets his decision because now he meets Woojin’s eyes. Under the dim light, he can still see how the blond’s gaze softens.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Woojin comes closer and Jihoon’s reflexes is stepping back. Jihoon only stops when hurt flashes in Woojin’s eyes, eventually giving up creating more spaces and let the younger approaches him.

 

“I’m not using my body as often as you and you are not that good to control your power,” Jihoon hugs himself and looks down, avoiding Woojin’s. “I’m not injured don’t worry. You can step—“

 

 _Back_.

 

Jihoon wants to scream, slaps Woojin, and runs away from the storage room when the younger gathers him in his warm embrace and rests his head in Jihoon’s shoulder. But he finds his body too tired to do whatever his minds wants. Instead of running away, he just gives up and lets both of his legs weaken, hoping it’d make him fall down and free himself from Woojin’s embrace.

 

(But Woojin doesn’t let him fall.)

 

“Talk to me.”

 

Jihoon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Woojin’s voice messes up with his logical thinking and he knows, in no time, his heart is ready to betray him. He clenches his fist and tries to free himself. His head screams at him to get himself together but his body refuses to comply.

 

“Woojin, let me go,” Jihoon begs in almost unaudible voice. “Don’t do this to me.”

 

To _us_.

 

“Please don’t shut me out.” Woojin’s voice sounds very desperate. He’s practically begging—begging the one that once got away to stay and stop running away.

 

“You don’t make it easy, Woojin.”

 

“You are making it more difficult, Jihoon.”

 

Woojin loosen his embrace but still grips both Jihoon’s arms with his hands. He stares at the older, surprised when he sees the stoic and stubborn Jihoon back in the wedding has changed into the tired Jihoon.

 

At first he hesitates. A part of him is afraid Jihoon will suddenly turn cold and push him away like what he did that night. The memory of Jihoon walked away is still fresh in his mind. That’s why he’s hesitated and it’s shown clearly in his expression.

 

“And now what?”

 

Jihoon’s voice startles him. His eyes locks on the older’s and slowly moves to Jihoon’s nose before completely stopping in his lips.

 

“I’m really bad with words,” Woojin’s voice is deep and sends a shiver down to Jihoon’s spine. Jihoon feels dizzy and his legs has already given up since god knows when. “But I want to tell you something... really bad.”

 

“And what is it?”

 

Woojin frees Jihoon from his grip and moves one of his hand to Jihoon’s face—caressing it very slowly and making Jihoon closes his eyes. Woojin stops when he sees a frown forming in Jihoon’s forehead. Assuming Jihoon must be really uncomfortable with their lack of space.

 

“Why did you leave?”

 

Woojin sounds hurt when he whispers those words in Jihoon’s ears—by pulling him into another embrace.

 

“I’m—“

 

“Did you fall out of love?”

 

Jihoon pushes Woojin away and force the younger to see him. Jihoon looks as hurt as him. They both know with the truth untold and unsolved mystery without proper closure between them, they will never be in peace.

 

“I never fell out of love,” Jihoon shakes his head and a tiring sigh escapes from his lips. “I never fall out of love.”

 

Jihoon recognize a glint of hope in Woojin’s eyes and respond it with a thin smile.

 

“I was afraid.” His hand finds Woojin’s and holds it tightly. The thumb caresses it while he keeps his eyes locked on the younger’s. “Hyung asked if my fear is bigger than my love for you and i guess it’s a yes.”

 

He stops caressing Woojin’s hand and lets it go.

 

“Maybe you deserve someone who loves you more than my pathetic self.” He slowly backs away and clenches his fists. “You trusted me with all your heart but I chose to leave because of my fear.”

 

If Woojin is surprised, he’s really good at hiding it.

 

“Being afraid is normal, Hoonie,” Woojin tries to convince Jihoon. He stretches his hand, hoping Jihoon would take it and he can soothe the older by his warm hug. He doesn’t expect Jihoon to shake his head and refuse to take his.

 

“Hoonie?”

 

“Can’t you understand, Woojin?” Jihoon laughs frustratingly. He pulls his hair with both hand and groans. “It’s not you. It’s me.” Jihoon wants to throw up upon hearing his own words. He used to hate that phrase. He always thought saying that phrase is the lamest excuse for coward to get away from relationship without being blamed.

 

And look at him now.

 

“What am I supposed to do if you never let me to help you overcome your fear?”

 

Jihoon freezes.

 

“I don’t even know your fear,” Woojin lowers his head and looks at his shoes. “You never told me. Your fear, your doubts. Who knows after you actually let me in instead of shutting me out, we can figure it out. Maybe all those negative things are unfounded. Maybe it’s just your anxiety. Your uncertainty—“

 

“THIS IS WHY I DIDN’T TELL YOU!” Jihoon bursts in anger. “Unfounded? Anxiety? I wish It’d be that easy.”

 

“Jihoon, you know—“

 

“I left because I think you’re not worth fighting for.” Jihoon bites his lips and tries hard to refrain himself for saying something he might regret later. “I only know you for a few years and my family, I’ve been knowing them for my whole life.”

 

Woojin understand where they conversation leads to.

 

Jihoon’s family was always against their relationship. They believe Jihoon was supposed to get married with a girl and gave them a beautiful grandchildren. Jihoon was always a good kid. He never got in trouble or disobeyed what they said. That’s why when one day they found out about their relationship—about Woojin, they’re beyond furious. Woojin walked into their son’s life and ruined the future of their family.

 

That’s how they tried hard to separate them. But nothing seemed strong enough to break their bond. Until one day, his father threatened to disown him. His mother forced him to choose: Woojin or them.

 

At first, Jihoon chose Woojin. He moved in to Woojin’s house and welcomed warmly by his family. He got to know Woojin’s warm father, his cousin Donghyun and also Youngmin. The date was set and both were sure about their bright future.

 

It was okay until one day, Jihoon was invited to one of Woojin’s family gathering. They were really kind and Jihoon felt so loved. But there’s still something missing in Jihoon’s heart—undescribable emptiness that made him contemplated his current decision.

 

That’s why Jihoon left. Because the burden of having no one showed up in his own wedding was saddening. He wants his parents’ blessing. He wants his only brother to be his bestman. He wants the whole family celebrate his wedding as a happy occasion—not a shameful thing.

 

“They love me for my whole life.” Jihoon’s eyes are glassy. Tears are about to fall despite his attempt to hold it back. “I didn’t want to make them sad. My father’s heart isn’t good. If I insisted to leave with you, I was afraid—“

 

Woojin looks bothered and Jihoon is sorry for that.

 

“I want to make them happy,” Jihoon wipes the tears that manage to escape. “That’s the only thing I can do to repay their kindness. For taking care of me since I was a baby even though I am not their real son.”

 

Now Woojin’s sad expression turns into the shocking one. The newfound fact about Jihoon’s identity makes him speechless. He knows Jihoon doesn’t really resemble his parents. He doesn’t even look like his brother. But never even once Woojin thought about this one.

 

Woojin never knew.

 

“Can I ask you one question?”

 

Jihoon nods.

 

“You want to make them happy. I got it.” _No_ , _you_ _don’t_. “But are you happy, Hoonie?”

 

Jihoon opens his mouth but fails to say anything good as a response. He tries once again but stops, realizing what he wants to say is different from what he actually feels.

 

“Hoonie?”

 

“Will I ever be happy, Woojin?” Jihoon chuckles with no humor in his laugh. “When the happiness I truly desire, deep down in my heart, is someone who can’t make them happy?”

 

“Jihoon—“

 

“It’s you,” Jihoon stiffles a sob. “It’s been you and It’s always you. The love never leaves. Falling out love never happens.”

 

“Jihoon.”

 

“But guess what?” Jihoon lifts his hand and gestures Woojin to stop interrupting him. “Loveisn’t a solution. We don’t live in the world where love alone is enough. Love won’t solve the problem. Love isn’t enough to make us truly happy.”

 

For the first time since Jihoon forgets when, he sees Woojin cries. It’s really heartbreaking but he knows he can’t do anything. He’s the cause of those tears.

 

“Love isn’t enough to make me stay.” Jihoon approaches Woojin and this time, he’s the one who initiates the hug. “I’m sorry, Love. I’m really sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out longer than I expected. The next chapter would be the last one. Thank you for reading! Comment and criticism are always welcomed!


	5. The entirety of love and affection

“I don’t remember placing any mistletoe inside.”

 

Woojin stops walking and throwing Donghyun a warning glare while Jihoon, who trails behind Woojin already flushes. Jihoon tries to avoid how Donghyun wiggles his eyebrows to tease both of them and flashes a quick smile to Youngmin.

 

“Your lips are pinkish.”

 

“Shut up, Hyung.” Woojin helps Jihoon who is too embarassed to lift his head. Despite his words, Donghyun sees how amused Woojin is judging from the way he tries to hold his smile.

 

Jihoon is panic when Woojin tells them he wants to use the restroom but Woojin assures him that he won’t take long and Donghyun needs to swear he won’t tease Jihoon anymore.

 

(“I’m just going to pee, jeez, Jihoon. It’s not like I’m gonna serve the country.”)

 

When Woojin isn’t there anymore, Donghyun moves his chair to interrogate the older Park. His eyes fills with curiousity and Jihoon is flustered when Youngmin also follows what Donghyun does.

 

“Y-yes, hyung?”

 

“So,” Donghyun can’t hide how happy he is. “Are you guys okay now?”

 

Jihoon scratches his head.

 

“I don’t know...?” Jihoon doesn’t sound sure. When Donghyun looks like he wants to protest, Jihoon lifts his hand and interrupst whatever Donghyun about to say. “We just talk about what happened back then. I told them about the real reason why I ran away and I think he’s kind of understand? Since my reason isn’t because of me or him. My family hates him for being him. Like, uhm, you know... they are against... us? Man with man? Yeah. Please don’t be offended, hyung?”

 

Donghyun and Youngmin look surprised for some reasons. They exchange knowing look and for a moment, Jihoon can catches how Donghyun seems troubled by something.

 

“Hyung?”

 

“Oh, it’s okay. We won’t be offended. Ahaha.” Donghyun elbows Youngmin and Youngmin laughs awkwardly to (hopefully) break the tension. But Jihoon isn’t stupid. He knows something’s up even though he isn’t really sure what is that.

 

When Donghyun is about to say something, Woojin appears. The older holds back whatever he wants to say and smiles at his cousin instead.

 

“Go home, Woojin. You need to sleep.” Donghyun nags at him and nudges Youngmin right after. “You too.”

 

“Yeah yeah.” He rolls his eyes and ears a smack from Donghyun. They bicker for a while before Jihoon says something that stops the bickering almost instantly.

 

“Can I go with you, Woojin? I miss the place.”

 

 

 

*

 

If Jihoon thinks they can chat amiably—like an old friend—after what just happened, Jihoon needs to think again.

 

He won’t deny he feels much better after talking it out. Admitting his feelings for Woojin and explaining what happened back then in the altar make him feel less guilty. The fact that Woojin accepts his apology and ends up cuddling him on the bed just an hour after their quarrel.

 

Jihoon finds himself relax when Woojin soothes her by caressing his arm. The younger ‘s eyes are close and the tv is long-forgotten. It’s still bright outside. They just finished their lunch when Jihoon was asking Woojin if he could come to their shared apartment because the older kinda missed it.

 

“Sleep.”

 

Jihoon snaps out of his thought when Woojin mumbles his word in Jihoon’s neck. His soft smile appears when he sees how Woojin tries to persuade him to sleep while he’s already too tired to open his eyes. He lifts his fingers, carefully caressing Woojin’s cheek before planting a soft kiss in Woojin’s lips.

 

“It’s still afternoon for me, Owl. Just sleep. I’ll try to entertain myself while you’re asleep.”

 

There is a soft hum as a response from Woojin. Jihoon continues to caress the cheeks and hums a random song to lull the younger to sleep. Jihoon isn’t a great singer, he knows. But Woojin used to tell him—almost everyday, that any sound coming from Jihoon’s mouth can put the angels to shame.

 

 _This_ _is_ _dangerous_.

 

Jihoon sighs. He thinks they can back to when they’re just friends—fighting over silly thing, eating in their favorite diner while playing their game, and helping each other as friends. But what Jihoon gets now is the overwhelming feeling of love; making him a little bit dizzy. because the way his heart responds every thing Woojin does, the way Woojin stares at him and treats him, even for couple hours, already enough to tell him.

 

He is _doomed_.

 

If it’s even possible to fall deeper, then he must be. After the talk, after whispering his apology while hugging the younger tightly, Jihoon wanted to loosen the embrace and shake his hand as a new beginning for them. If they can’t be together as what they wish to be, Jihoon hopes they can’t be seperated and stay together as friends.

 

“Woojin, friends don’t kiss.”

 

“Who said we’re?”

 

When Woojin responded like that, Jihoon lost himself. The way Woojin’s shortened the gap between them and how he smiled while brushing his lips against Jihoon’s made Jihoon melted into the kiss.

 

Jihoon knows he should stop him—them. When his head actively says no, his hearts succesfully persuade him to stay still and don’t interrupt the moment. That’s how Jihoon sighs in defeat and let the feeling takes over him.

 

Until now.

 

He stays in bed until he thinks Woojin is already in a deep slumber. He slowly detachs himself from sleeping Woojin but stops midway when he hears incoherent voice from the younger.

 

“I’m not leaving.” Jihoon sees the frown forming and he kisses it away. It actually helps because he can feel Woojin’s steady breathing and his face looks peaceful once again.

 

Jihoon tiptoes to prevent himself from making sound and it takes him a while to close the door (Woojin is really lazy to oil the creaky door). Once he’s outside the bedroom, he walks to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. He’s so thirsty and Woojin wouldn’t let him out of the bed. He takes one cute mug he’s familiar with—the one he bought when they went to Hawaii—and fills it with water.

 

He walks to the sofa and leans his back against it. He picks up his phone on the table and lurks around his twitter to see any updates from his friends. He smiles because of some tweets from Daehwi who shares their domestic pictures with Jinyoung.

 

It must be nice. Jihoon thinks. If he didn’t run away years ago, he could do the same thing with Daehwi. Even after years have passed, Jihoon still imagines what it’s like to spend the rest of his life with Woojin—waking up next to him, adopting a puppy he always wanted, buying groceries together every weekend, and sprawling accross the bed or lazing around after works.

 

The whole thought makes him sigh. When he thinks about it, he realizes how much he sacrifices for the sake of his family. Woojin always plays a big part in his life. He opens Jihoon’s heart and makes him warm up not even to him but to everyone else as well. Jihoon was an awkward kid. His friends could be counted by one hand only. But once he knows Woojin, the younger slowly pulls him out of his comfort zone and shows him that world, despite it’s scary and cruel, is also beautiful.

 

Jihoon still has a trust issue and thinks world isn’t a good place. But his trust towards Woojin makes him believe that he can create the world where they exist, is indeed a beautiful place.

 

(Because Woojin plays a big part in it).

 

His deep thought is interrupted by the vibrating sound coming from Woojin’s phone. He glances at it and shows the pop up notification. Donghyun sends Woojin some messages that make Jihoon curious.

 

 **Donghyung** : woojin, are you home?

 

 **Donghyung** : jihoon told me about the reason

 

 **Donghyung** : I assumed he didn’t know what his family did to you and you didn’t have a heart to tell him?

 

 **Donghyung** : damn kid idw to know what r u doin with jihoon rn until u cant even reply my messages

 

 **Donghyung** : wooj?

 

 **Donghyung** : reply it once you finish whatever you do with Jihoon.

 

 **Donghyung** : play safe kid

 

Jihoon frowns upon reading those messages especially the part when Donghyun says Woojin hides something about his family. He’s dead curious but knowing Woojin really well, the younger won’t probably open his mouth and brings the secret to his death.

 

He is dying to know.

 

That’s how Jihoon spends his time thinking about the matter and uses his phone to look for something. He messages someone, knowing this certain person is the only one who knows this matter really well and if Jihoon is lucky enough, this person might tell him something Jihoon is clueless for years.

 

When the one he messages finally replies, he quickly calls the sender. He walks to the balcony and closes the glass door behind so he can talk without waking Woojin up.

 

It starts with casual conversation until Jihoon can’t stand it and mention the important matter straightforwardly. A few minutes after the phonetalk, Jihoon loses his composure. He starts yelling at that person and eventually cries because he’s frustrated.

 

“And I thought you’re the only one I can trust, Hyung!”

 

To say Jihoon is mad is an understatement. Jihoon is beyond furious. All things he has done to Woojin and his family flashed before his eyes. Just a few hours ago he defends his family and tells Woojin that his family is his everything.

 

His everything that makes him tell Woojin about how Woojin isn’t worth a fight.

 

Universe is really good at toying with his life, Jihoon laughs bitterly when he realizes how bad his current situation is. He always knows his matter involving Woojin and his family is complicated. But what Jihoon doesn’t know is rather than complicated, it’s more suitable if his current situation can be classified as fucked up.

 

“Leave me alone, Hyung.” He tells his brother then hangs up. He doesn’t want to talk anymore because the more they talk, the more he finds out about the truth and this much is already makes him nausea. He covers his mouth with his hand and kneel down, feeling like vomitting anything that stuck in his chest, and throat but nothing comes out.

 

“Hoonie?”

 

Jihoon freezes when he hears a voice behind him. Still in the same position, he turns his head only to see sleepy Woojin looks at him—eyes filled with both worry and surprise.

 

When Woojin approaches the older, Jihoon frantically takes a step back and tells him to stop approaching. Woojin is confused. He’s awake to Jihoon is no longer beside him and then find him crying in his balcony. The situation is pretty much confusing for him.

 

(He doesn’t remember saying anything hurtful to the older. They were cuddling when he slowly fell into a deep slumber.)

 

“Hoonie, what’s wrong?” Woojin lowers his body and gestures he will comply. He stops approaching Jihoon and now trying to persuade the older.

 

“It’s my fault. Oh my god. Woojin. Oh my—I really don’t deserve you. I should just—“

 

“Jihoon,” Woojin interrupts. His expression turns sour when he hears what Jihoon just said. “Are we going to fight again? Are we back to square one?”

 

 _Are_ _you_ _going_ _to_ _shut_ _me_ _out_ _again_?

 

“No, you don’t understand—“

 

“Make me!” Woojin is frustrated. Just when he thought he had hope with their relationship—maybe they can finally make things right—Jihoon is being difficult again.

 

There is this heavy feeling in Jihoon’s chest. He starts thinking that maybe, he isn’t supposed to be in a relationship. So far he only had three relationships and none lasted long.

 

Until Woojin.

 

Woojin finds Jihoon’s sudden lack of response as his cue to approach him again. This time, he sits before Jihoon then gathers him in his arms.

 

“What’s with your busy mind this time?” Woojin whispers softly, caressing the back of Jihoon’s head and succesfully making Jihoon on the verge of tears.

 

Then Jihoon tells him. About the message Donghyun sent to him and how it made him really mad at himself. He also proceeds to tell the younger about his whole conversation with his brother—making Woojin speechless and stopping him from caressing Jihoon. Throughout the conversation, Jihoon keeps saying sorry. The all bright and beautiful Jihoon a few hours ago has completely turned into a pitiful Jihoon who bawls his eyes out while grasping Woojin’s t-shirt.

 

“This is my fault.”

 

Woojin sighs. Jihoon has said those words like a broken record. The self-blaming doesn’t make Woojin feel better at all but that’s the only way Jihoon can think. After all these years, when he thought he’s right to fight for what matters the most becomes the funniest joke. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth—and a big hole in his heart.

 

Because he’s hurt Woojin. Again and again.

 

“First of all, it’s not your fault.” Woojin loosen his embrace to look at Jihoon. He wipes Jihoon’s tears with his thumb and frowns when the latter cries even more. “If there are anything we both suck, it’s communication.”

 

Jihoon can’t stand the way Woojin treats him very gently and acts like Jihoon never hurt him. Woojin is always understanding and even until now, the younger is trying to listen to him.

 

“I thought our problem was miscommunication. But come to think of it, is it really miscommunication if we don’t even communicate?”

 

“No.” Jihoon muses. He recalls some memories in the past between them and sighs. A younger version of himself always try to avoid any quarrel by keeping anything that bugging him by himself. He always thought avoiding unnecessary drama was a good thing. He’d rather sleep on his problem than talk it out with Woojin.

 

Maybe it helps. Maybe it _doesn’t_.

 

“Hoonie, if only you told me about what’s on your mind years ago, you didn’t have to run away from the wedding.” Woojin keeps him in arm length. “I know something was bothering your mind but I was afraid to ask. I kind of knowing what was on your mind.”

 

Woojin pauses to take a deep breath.

 

“I was almost sure you didn’t want me and if only you asked me, I’d call it off.”

 

Jihoon is surprised to hear it. He thought Woojin was unaware with his condition. Then again, he remembers he was always in pensive mood. He snapped quiet a lot back then because the lack of sleep and still no answers for his problem.

 

Running away was the only solution he could think of.

 

“If you asked, I wouldn’t be mad at you. Really. I won’t lie. I couldn’t give what your parents wanted from me and I was very upset at that time. To think that your mother called me a few days after you introduced me to them and wanted to talk to me in private, only to say if I wanted to be serious with you, I should be ready to be fully responsible to your family as well—“

 

“I know that’s now what they said,” Jihoon interrupts with bitter tone. “She asked you a large sum of money every month.”

 

“Consider I was new in my job and I still need to pay for Yerim’s tuition fee back then, yes, it’s indeed a large sum of money. I was upset with your family. But while you’re away, it gets me a new perspective. If that can make you come to me again, I actually don’t mind.”

 

“Are you going to buy me?”

 

“Jihoon.” Woojin looks stern upon hearing what Jihoon just said. “You are not an object I can buy. The money isn’t a bribe to make your family like me because let’s be real, we’re not really likable. In their eyes, our relationship is _wrong_.”

 

His stern face transforms into something softer when he sees Jihoon flinches at his words.

 

“But our love isn’t.”

 

Woojin takes Jihoon’s hand and let their fingers intertwine. Jihoon still looks upset but he’s relieved because Jihoon has stopped crying. The older looks calmer now and has stopped shutting him out.

 

“Maybe they thought if they did me dirty, I’d naturally walk away because all I want from them is their son. But I realize it’d be very selfish of me. It’s always give and take in this world. If I want something then I must ready to give something in return,” he explains. “But I want to show them that when I’m brave enough to face them, to meet them and ask for their blessing because I love their son with my whole heart, I’m also ready to accept them in my life. People you always love will be people I love. Beside, if you think your parents are a mere golddigger, that’s not true. First, I’m not that rich. I can’t buy you anything too fancy but what I have is enough for living. Second, I doubt they’ll use my money for fun. It must be for your father’s medication.”

 

A surge of overwhelming feeling comes to Jihoon when he listens to Woojin’s words. He knows Woojin always sees the beauty in everything. He can love everything that most people won’t be able to. He sees the good in something worst. A man who is willing to understand and putting so much trust into someone who doesn’t even deserve it—Jihoon.

 

he never knows he can fall in love all over again while he’s already in love.

 

“Woojin.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I want to kiss you so bad.”

 

With that, Woojin breaks into laughter. He stops midway, taking times to look at Jihoon’s twinkling eyes and how those resemble a galaxy, then laugh again while shake his head. Heart is more content and everything finally falls back into the right place.

 

“I’m older than you but you are much more mature.” Jihoon grumbles, pouts, because Woojin is always one step ahead while he’s busy doing self-pity party.

 

When he looks into Woojin’s brown eyes, he finds an assurance and the entirety of affection, love, and every feeling he can’t possibly name. The way Woojin looks at him assures him that despite his shallow thought about how Woojin isn’t worth fighting for, the man shows him that even if Jihoon is too tired to fight for him—get lost in his own thought and aimlessly walking in circle looking for anything he’s always uncertain what, Woojin always manages to find him back.

 

“Now what?”

 

Jihoon knows what Woojin means. He smiles at the thought of his dream might not be just a dream after this. He lets the younger helps him to get up and slides into the warm room once again. Woojin gives him a cup of water, waits, and stares at Jihoon with a glint of hope in his eyes.

 

Woojin waits and waits, just like what he does for years.

 

“I’m still scared,” Jihoon admits. There is no use to lie in front of Woojin because the last time he did, he’s grumpy for weeks. “I don’t know if things will finally work out but I’m willing to try.”

 

Woojin makes no move. Instead, he takes Jihoon’s hand and holds it tightly.

 

“I can’t promise you the path we choose is smooth but I can promise you we’ll go through this together.” He brings Jihoon’s hand closer and kisses it—the back of his hand, his knuckle, and the tip of his fingers.

 

“Cheesy.”

 

“You like cheese,” Woojin wiggles his brows and flashes a playful smirk. “And i’d be glad to give you everything you like.”

 

“You are really something.”

 

“And you are everything.”

 

After, Woojin kisses him—forehead, eyes, the tip of his nose, cheeks, and stops before tilting his head and capturing Jihoon’s lips. They kiss, slowly, deeply, and lovingly. Catching up and picking up where they left off—pouring a lot of thoughts and feelings into one kiss.

 

Jihoon feels complete again.

 

(Jihoon wonders what did he do in his past life to deserve this man in the first place.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a wrap! Thank you for reading this story! Now it’s time to re-read through everything and correct my mistake orz.


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